All My Sass is Saved Up!

Whatcha gonna do with all that sass, 
All that sass up in your stash? 

Yes. That little song was definitely necessary.

I have a confession to make: I'm pretty sassy. What's interesting is that not many people agree with me on this point! You see, I possess a certain kind of undercover sass; I'm basically the James Bond of sass. First of all, I don't sass my superiors. Secondly, I don't partake in the back-talking, eye-rolling, smart-alek kind of sass. I prefer witty sass with my friends! So, my sass is pretty well hidden, but it is a staple of my personality. Without my sass, I think I'd be a pretty bland person...

Sassy pants must be spanx, because I wear them everyday!! Unfortunately, sass does not translate very well. Believe it or not witty sass is hard to come up with on the spot in a foreign language. Here is a sample:

French Version

Me:
"Urm... Tu nages comme un dauphin... avec quatre pieds - moins trois!" *snort, snort*

Friend:
 "Quoi? Dauphins n'ont pas des pieds, Bella... Tu pourrais apprendre le biologie ici en France si c'est pas disponible dans les États-Unis!"

Me:
 "Quoi? Non! Je comprenne que les dauphins n'ont pas des pieds! J'ai dit que tu nages comme un dauphin avec quatre -" *desperately attempts to mime the word fin* "moins trois! C'est amusante parce que les dauphins nagent très vite, especiallement si ils ont quatre -" *re-mimes fin* "MAIS, j'ai dit que tu n'as pas trois des" *re-mimes fin* "donc, tu aurais juste un! Alors, tu n'es pas vite!"

Friend:
 *blank stare* "D'accord..."

English Version

Me: 
"Urm... You swim like a dolphin... with four feet - minus three!" *snort, snort*

Friend:
 "What? Dolphins don't have feet, Bella... You can learn biology here in France if it's not available in the USA!"

Me:
 "What? No! I understand that dolphins don't have feet! I said that you swim like a dolphin with four -" *desperately attempts to mime the word fin* "minus three! It's funny because dolphins swim very fast, especially if they have four -" *remimes fin* "BUT, I said that you don't have three of the -" *remimes fin* "therefore, you would have only one! So, you're not fast!"

Friend: 
*blank stare* "Ok..."

So, basically, any attempts at sass in French have ended up with:

1. Non-amused Frenchmen
2. Frenchmen believing I am stupid
3. Occasionally very offended Frenchmen
4. A non-enhanced French vocabulary in Marine Biology

Needless to say, the past couple weeks have been rough for my sassing.  Luckily, I believe I am becoming slightly more fluent in French sass. Slowly but surely, my the filter on my French is dissolving and people are starting to figure out what I really am like! The only bad thing is that, as the French-filter fades, so does the Bella-filter... I have been casually relying on the French-filter to keep my weird-things-Bella-says tally at a minimum. Unfortunately, even though my language (and sass) are still pretty well restrained, as the French-filter fades the weird-things-Bella-says tally snowballs exponentially!